Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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