Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
zippers are such a cool invention
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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