also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
