My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
