How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
