He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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