i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I deserve this hangover.
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