Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
