Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
