and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
