I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
