Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
