Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
