the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
