i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
