Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
