we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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