i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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