we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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