i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
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Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
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