im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
