I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
