She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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