i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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