There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
