I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
