Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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