broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
