btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
