you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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