I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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