i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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