WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
