Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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