I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
