She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
