I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize