Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
