Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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