I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
