I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
