i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
