remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
