I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
