Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
