i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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