I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
