when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
