it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
