bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
