Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
