Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
