Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
