Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
