Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
