Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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