she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
