I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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