so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
