Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
