Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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