I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
