I bet he comes in French.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
false alarm, still single
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