I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
