Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
