Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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