There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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