Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
