Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
