We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
