And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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