my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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